Everyone is talking about it... cant get away from it and if the Mayans were here right now, they would be laughing their sick fucking asses off.
End of the world on December 21st 2012? Yeah, whatever!
The way I see it, I cant lose! By writing this blog and and saying, "fuck you Mayans, it ain't happening" I will look like a fucking genius when Friday is here and gone and everything is the way it should be. And Hell, if somehow the world suddenly ceases to be and everyone dies a fiery hellish death then this blog ceases to be too and so there's no way in hell anyone can point the finger and rant in my face "ha ha you were wrong!"
See? Win, win!
Don't get me wrong, I can see the other side. I can see why all these*coughs* freaks *coughs* excuse me... extremely prepared people have built bunkers and stockpiled food, water and ammo. Shit, you don't have to be facing and impending apocalypse to be prepared for every eventuality. That stuff (well except the ammo) will come in handy whether there's a hurricane warning or even a simple power cut.
The Mormons are very big on this kinda thing (yep, I used to be a Mormon) We had seminars when I was with the church on the best way to stock pile food and various other essential items, how to store them, how to rotate them and how much you should have stored at any one time in case of natural disasters or like I said, just losing power. I actually made a joke once at one of these seminars. I leaned into the woman next to me and said "well I feel secure in the knowledge that should a comet come hurtling towards the earth that I will die with 365 tins of beans under my bed". She wasn't amused.
So yeah, I ain't buying it I'm afraid. Some ancient civilisation has predicted the end is nigh. We here's a news flash, so have lots of other people since the Mayans died out and they were wrong too. And anyway, if they were some kind of precognitive geniuses, surely they would of been able to stop their own demise, right?
See, its like anything else that has been passed down through generations, mentioning no names *coughs* the biblical text *coughs* It has been translated into another language and open to interpretation so there is definitely massive room for error. Hell, most people cant order a drink in another language without ending up with a plate of fish so can we really trust what has been interpreted up to now? Of course we cant. I'm sorry, I don't care how many years you have studied this ancient and DEAD language (the original language is dead at least, I believe there are some descendant and hybrids of the language that still exist). Unless it is your native tongue then frankly you can kiss my arse.
One thing we can learn from the Mayans however, now don't quote me on this but I believe that they died out due to lack of food in their over sized population and climate change also had a huge influence to the point where human life could no longer be sustained. Hmmn sound familiar? Perhaps we should concentrate and learn more from what they did rather than what they said!
On a side note, I better go see my doctor and get that cough checked, wouldn't wanna be stuck in bed all week and miss the end of the world!
Wednesday 19 December 2012
Thursday 27 September 2012
Why are you famous again? Oh yeah! Coz youre a FUCKING WHORE!
and when I say whore, I'm aiming that at guys too.
Jersey Shore, The Only Way Is Essex, The Valleys, Geordie Shore, Desperate Scousewives.
All of the above have at least one thing in common... they all glorify bad behaviour.
Some are more dreadful than others but for the most part I think every one of them should be banned from our televisions. You may have heard me argue before about "well if it offends you then don't watch it" I'm sorry but these shows are the exception to the rule. Teenagers, young adults and twenty somethings (to name a few) are watching these shows and trying to emulate the lifestyles, the clothing and the very low moral standards.
Why the hell are we allowing this utter shite on our televisions?
You wanna drink your weight in vodka til your practically comatose and then fuck three different people in one night then go for it. You make your own choices. However, I don't think it should be shown on TV and I certainly don't think you should be famous for it.
Why is this suddenly acceptable??
Shows like this used to be shown in documentary form, late at night, on obscure channels that very few people watched and were portrayed as lacking in morals and the dregs of our society. Now they're practically on pedestals being worshipped like gods. Most of them can barely string a damn sentence together and people are idolising these losers?
And before you say anything... I'm 34, I'm hardly over the hill and it wasn't that long ago that I was out clubbing with my friends.
Why is being a lady or being a gentleman so outdated now? Why don't these people want more from their lives than being known as the dirty little slapper who shagged four blokes in one night or the guy who had a threesome and gave both girls a sexually transmitted disease?
Is losing all self respect the price of fame? Is it a price worth paying?
Reality TV as a genre is just atrocious but the shows I have name are really the crud at the bottom of the septic tank. Just ban them and save future generations from exposure to this crap.
Jersey Shore, The Only Way Is Essex, The Valleys, Geordie Shore, Desperate Scousewives.
All of the above have at least one thing in common... they all glorify bad behaviour.
Some are more dreadful than others but for the most part I think every one of them should be banned from our televisions. You may have heard me argue before about "well if it offends you then don't watch it" I'm sorry but these shows are the exception to the rule. Teenagers, young adults and twenty somethings (to name a few) are watching these shows and trying to emulate the lifestyles, the clothing and the very low moral standards.
Why the hell are we allowing this utter shite on our televisions?
You wanna drink your weight in vodka til your practically comatose and then fuck three different people in one night then go for it. You make your own choices. However, I don't think it should be shown on TV and I certainly don't think you should be famous for it.
Why is this suddenly acceptable??
Shows like this used to be shown in documentary form, late at night, on obscure channels that very few people watched and were portrayed as lacking in morals and the dregs of our society. Now they're practically on pedestals being worshipped like gods. Most of them can barely string a damn sentence together and people are idolising these losers?
And before you say anything... I'm 34, I'm hardly over the hill and it wasn't that long ago that I was out clubbing with my friends.
Why is being a lady or being a gentleman so outdated now? Why don't these people want more from their lives than being known as the dirty little slapper who shagged four blokes in one night or the guy who had a threesome and gave both girls a sexually transmitted disease?
Is losing all self respect the price of fame? Is it a price worth paying?
Reality TV as a genre is just atrocious but the shows I have name are really the crud at the bottom of the septic tank. Just ban them and save future generations from exposure to this crap.
Sunday 16 September 2012
Rant worthy news
Another bomb plot has been foiled.
Some 18 year old in the US was arrested in Chicago on suspicion of plotting a car bomb attack outside a bar in the city. The FBI were apparently tracking him and his foul comments on various websites. They caught him in a sting operation, posing as terrorists and giving him a fake bomb.
Firstly I would like to say bravo to the agents and everyone involved in that arrest. Job well done. You help us to sleep peacefully at night.
Yeah, I'm just lulling you into a false sense of security. Here it comes, stand back!
Quoting from the article I read - There has been a number of convictions based on stings in recent years, but Muslim groups and civil rights groups have expressed concern at the use of such tactics.
Breathe Cat, breathe!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
Use of such tactics?? I mean like seriously??? I don't care if they dressed has his grandmother and lured him with promises of money, women and kittens... this ANIMAL was plotting to kill people. People he didn't know, had never met, who had never done anything to him. INNOCENT people. I don't give a shit about the tactics used. I give a shit that this person will be going to jail and cant hurt anyone. Looking at the pic of this kid they should gift wrap him for the inmates, I'm sure he will make friends in no time.
In fact jail is too good for this wanker. He needs beating within an inch of his life. Anyone and I don't care what religion you are, when you plan or actually take the life of innocent people then the normal rules of civilisation should not apply to you. You wanna take away a persons right to live by killing them then you should lose ALL your human rights and be treated like the scum you are.
Don't treat people like this as human. They are not. They are disgusting, despicable and lower than pond scum and don't deserve to fucking breathe.
RANT OVER!
Some 18 year old in the US was arrested in Chicago on suspicion of plotting a car bomb attack outside a bar in the city. The FBI were apparently tracking him and his foul comments on various websites. They caught him in a sting operation, posing as terrorists and giving him a fake bomb.
Firstly I would like to say bravo to the agents and everyone involved in that arrest. Job well done. You help us to sleep peacefully at night.
Yeah, I'm just lulling you into a false sense of security. Here it comes, stand back!
Quoting from the article I read - There has been a number of convictions based on stings in recent years, but Muslim groups and civil rights groups have expressed concern at the use of such tactics.
Breathe Cat, breathe!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
Use of such tactics?? I mean like seriously??? I don't care if they dressed has his grandmother and lured him with promises of money, women and kittens... this ANIMAL was plotting to kill people. People he didn't know, had never met, who had never done anything to him. INNOCENT people. I don't give a shit about the tactics used. I give a shit that this person will be going to jail and cant hurt anyone. Looking at the pic of this kid they should gift wrap him for the inmates, I'm sure he will make friends in no time.
In fact jail is too good for this wanker. He needs beating within an inch of his life. Anyone and I don't care what religion you are, when you plan or actually take the life of innocent people then the normal rules of civilisation should not apply to you. You wanna take away a persons right to live by killing them then you should lose ALL your human rights and be treated like the scum you are.
Don't treat people like this as human. They are not. They are disgusting, despicable and lower than pond scum and don't deserve to fucking breathe.
RANT OVER!
Wednesday 12 September 2012
A blog a day keeps the crazy away
or at least so Im told.
Im guessing that releasing all this pent up aggression will be good for me so I dont go on a killing spree or something crazy like that. Running down the high street with a machete is sooo last year. I am kidding of course, running down the high street with a samuari sword is so last year.
I do now and again look at other blogs here (and other sites of course. Dont wanna play favourites) Not that Im checking up on the competition, I just like to see what the world is talking about. I persoanlly try to stay away from anything that is too personal to me. I dont wanna be stalker fodder (again) and unless a current event has really pissed me off then I stay away from those too. I guess you could say Im an all round ranter.
One thing I did notice here however is just how personal some people are on here. I see hundreds of pictures of them, their families on vacations and the like... in their street, babys first steps, Johnny's first birthday party. Erm why dont you just put your address and your bank details on your blog too, make it real easy for the weirdos of the world to find ya and break into your house or steal your identity or worse??
Is it just me?? Is my paranoia so out of control that Im the only one seeing a problem with this?
I wont give Facebook too many props, I may have a Facebook account but Im not its biggest fan, far from it even but its a good way to keep in touch and you get some control over who sees your personal pictures (at least til something better comes along and replaces FB. Nothing would please me more quite frankly coz Zuckerberg has a lot to answer for) You can guard against the perverts and criminals to a certain extent on there (well once youre told that Facebook has changed the fucking security settings AGAIN) Here and other blogging sites, well, its open, its a free for all, you are waving pictures of your children and family in the face of the world and shouting "hey, over here!"
We live in very scary times. Not a day goes by without hearing about some kid going to meet someone that they met online thinking its another kid but actually its some 40 year old weirdo. Hell, just the other day a kid was stabbed at a party by a gatecrasher. The party was advertised on Facebook and after tags and responding to invites every man and his dog knew about it and where it was.
Its just too easy for the animals in the world to target people when they open their world to them. You wouldnt give a complete stranger in the street a picture of your family would you? So what do you think youre doing when you post them in an open forum?
Protect what is precious.
Im guessing that releasing all this pent up aggression will be good for me so I dont go on a killing spree or something crazy like that. Running down the high street with a machete is sooo last year. I am kidding of course, running down the high street with a samuari sword is so last year.
I do now and again look at other blogs here (and other sites of course. Dont wanna play favourites) Not that Im checking up on the competition, I just like to see what the world is talking about. I persoanlly try to stay away from anything that is too personal to me. I dont wanna be stalker fodder (again) and unless a current event has really pissed me off then I stay away from those too. I guess you could say Im an all round ranter.
One thing I did notice here however is just how personal some people are on here. I see hundreds of pictures of them, their families on vacations and the like... in their street, babys first steps, Johnny's first birthday party. Erm why dont you just put your address and your bank details on your blog too, make it real easy for the weirdos of the world to find ya and break into your house or steal your identity or worse??
Is it just me?? Is my paranoia so out of control that Im the only one seeing a problem with this?
I wont give Facebook too many props, I may have a Facebook account but Im not its biggest fan, far from it even but its a good way to keep in touch and you get some control over who sees your personal pictures (at least til something better comes along and replaces FB. Nothing would please me more quite frankly coz Zuckerberg has a lot to answer for) You can guard against the perverts and criminals to a certain extent on there (well once youre told that Facebook has changed the fucking security settings AGAIN) Here and other blogging sites, well, its open, its a free for all, you are waving pictures of your children and family in the face of the world and shouting "hey, over here!"
We live in very scary times. Not a day goes by without hearing about some kid going to meet someone that they met online thinking its another kid but actually its some 40 year old weirdo. Hell, just the other day a kid was stabbed at a party by a gatecrasher. The party was advertised on Facebook and after tags and responding to invites every man and his dog knew about it and where it was.
Its just too easy for the animals in the world to target people when they open their world to them. You wouldnt give a complete stranger in the street a picture of your family would you? So what do you think youre doing when you post them in an open forum?
Protect what is precious.
Tuesday 11 September 2012
Stupid is as stupid does
"Lose a stone a week with these two simple but odd tips"
I saw this ad just now when I was browsing Facebook. Are people stupid? You cant lose a stone a week unless you lop off a leg!
Time and time again we are bombarded with images and statements that are just not true. From the humble hamburger picture that looks nothing like the one you've just been served to the anti ageing cream that can make you look 10 years younger in just 4 weeks. All you have to do is read the small print at the bottom of the screen "67% of 109 women surveyed said they noticed visible differences". You wanna do the math? That's not a lot of women agreeing.
This world suffers from a great many things but Id have to say that stupidity is definitely in the top 5. From fashion to health to borrowing money, people are told something then believe that its totally true. Instead of doing their research, instead of reading the small print, they jump right in and buy the dress, try the face cream, get a loan and then wonder why they look like a prat, arent looking 50 years younger in 10 minutes and cant pay the damn loan back without sacrificing food for the next 7 years of their lives.
THINK!!! Just THINK!!!
That's all you need to do.
Whatever happened to the saying "if something seems too good to be true then it usually is"? Hmmn yeah, its usually said in hindsight, AFTER you've just been swindled out of 5,000 quid by a South African Prince via email.
Maybe they should be teaching more practical skills in school like erm COMMON SENSE!!! coz it certainly ain't being taught at home. Yeah yeah, another person blaming the parents. Well I'm sorry but some parents need fucking blaming. Or maybe just vetting system before you're allowed to knock out a kid.
I'm no fan of the disease that is known as "Celebrity" and a lot of this shit falls at their feet too. Time and time again we see them on the front of papers and magazine looking way too thin, forgiving partners for cheating or beating, apologising for cheating or beating or being caught doing a line of something that ain't baby powder in the toilets of some hip happening club. These are supposed to be role models!
Talking of which, why the fuck is Kate Moss still on my TV? I nearly spat my coffee out when I saw her advertising... wait for it.... "Addict" by Dior. I mean seriously, is that someones idea of funny? Not that I am a big buyer of Dior products but THAT will insure I never buy a Dior product EVER again. This woman is epitome of everything that is wrong with the fashion and beauty industry. She was exposed as a smack head and alcoholic for fuck sake and yet she's still allowed to advertise clothes and makeup.
How about advertising rehab you dirty skank?!!
I saw this ad just now when I was browsing Facebook. Are people stupid? You cant lose a stone a week unless you lop off a leg!
Time and time again we are bombarded with images and statements that are just not true. From the humble hamburger picture that looks nothing like the one you've just been served to the anti ageing cream that can make you look 10 years younger in just 4 weeks. All you have to do is read the small print at the bottom of the screen "67% of 109 women surveyed said they noticed visible differences". You wanna do the math? That's not a lot of women agreeing.
This world suffers from a great many things but Id have to say that stupidity is definitely in the top 5. From fashion to health to borrowing money, people are told something then believe that its totally true. Instead of doing their research, instead of reading the small print, they jump right in and buy the dress, try the face cream, get a loan and then wonder why they look like a prat, arent looking 50 years younger in 10 minutes and cant pay the damn loan back without sacrificing food for the next 7 years of their lives.
THINK!!! Just THINK!!!
That's all you need to do.
Whatever happened to the saying "if something seems too good to be true then it usually is"? Hmmn yeah, its usually said in hindsight, AFTER you've just been swindled out of 5,000 quid by a South African Prince via email.
Maybe they should be teaching more practical skills in school like erm COMMON SENSE!!! coz it certainly ain't being taught at home. Yeah yeah, another person blaming the parents. Well I'm sorry but some parents need fucking blaming. Or maybe just vetting system before you're allowed to knock out a kid.
I'm no fan of the disease that is known as "Celebrity" and a lot of this shit falls at their feet too. Time and time again we see them on the front of papers and magazine looking way too thin, forgiving partners for cheating or beating, apologising for cheating or beating or being caught doing a line of something that ain't baby powder in the toilets of some hip happening club. These are supposed to be role models!
Talking of which, why the fuck is Kate Moss still on my TV? I nearly spat my coffee out when I saw her advertising... wait for it.... "Addict" by Dior. I mean seriously, is that someones idea of funny? Not that I am a big buyer of Dior products but THAT will insure I never buy a Dior product EVER again. This woman is epitome of everything that is wrong with the fashion and beauty industry. She was exposed as a smack head and alcoholic for fuck sake and yet she's still allowed to advertise clothes and makeup.
How about advertising rehab you dirty skank?!!
Wednesday 5 September 2012
50 Shades of... hmmmmn.
I am not one to go see a movie or read a book just coz the masses do. "Blockbuster" or "This summers funniest movie" leaves me cold and for one thing, how can they possibly know that it will be this summers funniest movie before it even comes out? Ok they've seen it but what if other people think its shit and another movie is actually funnier?? Why don't they just say "WE'VE watched it and WE think its the funniest movie of the summer"? Most of them show all the best bits in the trailers anyways so by the time the movie comes out, they've actually saved you the price of a ticket to go see it.
Best seller is another term that I despise quite frankly. Best seller tells u nothing about the book just that a lot of sheeple have been to buy it. Well fuck the sheeple. Half of them don't have two brain cells to rub together and would wear a dead squid on their head if you told them to.
So I was dubious when looking at Amazon.co.uk (possibly my fave website ever btw) and saw that 50 Shades of Grey was available for the Kindle. I am newly converted to the Kindle. Refusing point blank to entertain one before now. There is just something about a paperback that excites me and I didn't want to swap them for a hard grey over sized calculator. I love buying books. I love their chunky feel and smell. New, old, worn, it doesn't matter. They are just, well almost as orgasmic as new socks (another blog for another time maybe?)
So yeah, I'm on Amazon and its there, looking at me. I know people who have read it of course and who have gushed about the main character Christian Grey. Ive heard review after review on it, some good, some bad as you usually find in the case.
"E.L. James writes as though she's late for a meeting with a sex scene"
"I do recommend this book, it is a great read for anyone interested in spicing up their sex life and learning about the possibilities of sex."
So I relented and bought it and quick as a flash it was there on my Kindle, taunting me to read it.
Now anyone who knows me, knows I am a fan of the romance genre. Hell Ive even written a romance novel of my own (unpublished as yet. Fear of rejection cripples me coz I think its a masterpiece and I will not be told otherwise!!) I have read Mills n Boon and Harlequin Romance (to name a couple) for years and have quite an extensive collection on my bookshelf (or the cabinet in my bedroom) Of course they are not the kind of books you have on display. They're no War and Peace, Crime and Punishment or even Windows 7 for Dummies. I feel that even now, in this day and age there is still a stigma attached to women reading these kind of books which I feel is madness. These are romance novels, period, with a few sexual scenes in them. Some don't even get that far. They build up the sexual tension and never give you the release you expect (story of most women's life huh?) I heard someone once equate them to pornography and that women should be ashamed of themselves.
Puhleeeeeeze!
Not even in that ball park. And excuse me but what is wrong with women watching porn? I find the double standard on this subject very annoying. Just coz a women watches it, doesn't make her less of a lady, doesn't make her a slut and I would have to say in my humble opinion and speaking from experience that I bet shes having a marvellous time in the bedroom because of it. Either that or its filling a gap (pardon the pun) between boyfriends.
But back to Mr Grey. I began reading it a couple of days ago. My first reaction was "wow, this is poorly written" and quite annoyingly so. I felt like you didn't get a chance to absorb the words before the characters thoughts were derailed by another (sounds a bit like my blog!) But I gave it a chance and soon realised that it wasn't bad, it was just written in a style that I wasn't used to. Hell I'm no book critic but I know what I like and this was a definite departure.
I wont go into the book too much. Hell this is no book review but I do find the characters interesting and more so reader reactions to Mr Christian Grey. One of my friends said "I need to get me a Christian Grey" which made me think... really? Putting aside the fact that he is deeply damaged and a sadist, he knows how to be a gentleman. This got me thinking, could these female readers really handle exploring Mr Greys dark side in reality? I'm thinking not. But then again, would we all be more content in our lives if we just surrendered to our animal instincts?
Ive always believed that as humans we think we are intelligent. If we are then we are too intelligent. That in our quest to be lord and master of the lands we have actually done ourselves no favours. That we are actually less intelligent because of the technology we have created to make our lives easier. Its had the opposite effect and has actually made us lazy, almost docile. Look at how frantic we get in a power cut or even if we simply lose our phones. Hell, the majority of us couldn't even feed ourselves if our wallet was stolen as we no longer carry cash. So we keep out primal instinct buried, maybe only letting them out to take a breath in the bedroom (for the lucky few) and then we put them away again once the post coital glow has died and we've run to the bathroom to grab a some tissue. No, we have lost our instincts, our urges and dulled our senses. We rely on computers and gadgets for everything to our own detriment.
God help the masses in the impending zombie apocalypse that's all I can say. It will be the ultimate natural selection... only the fittest survive. Hell, bring it on, we could do with a cull!
God help the masses in the impending zombie apocalypse that's all I can say. It will be the ultimate natural selection... only the fittest survive. Hell, bring it on, we could do with a cull!
I could carry on with this but I shall leave it there. Well until I've read the next instalment from the Grey trilogy.
Wednesday 22 August 2012
Hey, guess how many days til Christmas. Fuck off!
Why do people insist on doing that? Why do they insist on telling you how many days til Christmas? Quite frankly I don't wanna know. I didn't wanna know in June and I certainly didn't wanna know in March. I mean seriously, who starts their Christmas countdown in March?? You cant countdown to something that only finished three fucking months ago!
I do like Christmas or at least I did til last year (for personal reasons I will not go into) I am very much the over achiever when it comes to the festive season. Everything has to be bigger and better than the year before. Ha, and I bet you thought I was gonna be some kinda Grinch right? Nope I'm a Christmas fanatic. But not before its time to be.
I am not one of these people who has bought all their Christmas gifts by September. I mean yeah, I like to be organised as much as the next person but it merely cheapness on my part. I mean hell, a lot could happen in the next 3 months. Say you buy a nose hair trimmer on September 15th for Uncle Al and then he dies on December 4th... a waste right and you can guarantee that the store wont except it as a return and you can hardly give it to the milkman can you? Or what if there is a zombie apocalypse on November 22nd? I really don't wanna go into one with a house full of bath salts and Christmas novelty socks.
So as long as all my gift shopping is done by December 20th then I wont spend the next 5 days waking up in a cold sweat that Ive forgotten to buy my Grandmother's denture adhesive (hey don't scoff! Shes a practical woman and likes practical gifts and she goes through that stuff like there's no tomorrow!)
Unfortunately Christmas has become big business over the last 20 years. Maybe its just me showing my age but it feels like they're getting the store Christmas decorations out earlier and earlier. As soon as the Halloween stuff has been taken down BAM! up go the twinkle lights and baubles and the gaudy Christmas music starts blasting thro the store speakers. (Although one year I did see a supermarket selling Christmas puddings in July. No joke!) I just think everything has its place and its time and the bombardment of jolly images, music and festive cheer should be held off til November. Late November. I mean its not like we can hide from it and quite frankly, you would've had to have been in a coma for at least 300 days of the year to not know what's coming up. Do we really need to be made to feel guilty for not feeling the festive spirit in October? Its like they're reminding you that procrastination is bad, that its almost criminal to have not bought your kids or wives or husbands or (insert marital status here, Facebook's answer of its complicated will not be accepted) present earlier that November.
Hell not to be sexiest here but most men I know don't even start to think about it til December 21st and really start worrying on Christmas Eve. I remember calling up an ex on Christmas Eve one year (he wasn't my ex at the time of course) and asking him what time he was coming over. "Ill be over soon I'm just in Ikea" was his reply. "Oh, what you buying?" I asked. "I'm looking for your Christmas present".
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Needless to say, after unwrapping a cushion on Christmas day, yes a cushion! it didn't last much longer. Ok, he is maybe an extreme example of some men's ineptitude for gift buying. It was even more insulting as I pride myself on being a very easy person to buy for but even I wasn't gonna excuse soft furnishings as a Christmas gift.
So unfortunately now its the end of August I am expecting more and more of the " its ____ days til Christmas you know?" At this moment in time I'm not sure whether a look of annoyance bordering on disdain or a swift punch in the face is the way to handle it. Ill get back to you on that one.
Oh and by the way it 124 days til Christmas. The old lady on the bus this morning told me.
I do like Christmas or at least I did til last year (for personal reasons I will not go into) I am very much the over achiever when it comes to the festive season. Everything has to be bigger and better than the year before. Ha, and I bet you thought I was gonna be some kinda Grinch right? Nope I'm a Christmas fanatic. But not before its time to be.
I am not one of these people who has bought all their Christmas gifts by September. I mean yeah, I like to be organised as much as the next person but it merely cheapness on my part. I mean hell, a lot could happen in the next 3 months. Say you buy a nose hair trimmer on September 15th for Uncle Al and then he dies on December 4th... a waste right and you can guarantee that the store wont except it as a return and you can hardly give it to the milkman can you? Or what if there is a zombie apocalypse on November 22nd? I really don't wanna go into one with a house full of bath salts and Christmas novelty socks.
So as long as all my gift shopping is done by December 20th then I wont spend the next 5 days waking up in a cold sweat that Ive forgotten to buy my Grandmother's denture adhesive (hey don't scoff! Shes a practical woman and likes practical gifts and she goes through that stuff like there's no tomorrow!)
Unfortunately Christmas has become big business over the last 20 years. Maybe its just me showing my age but it feels like they're getting the store Christmas decorations out earlier and earlier. As soon as the Halloween stuff has been taken down BAM! up go the twinkle lights and baubles and the gaudy Christmas music starts blasting thro the store speakers. (Although one year I did see a supermarket selling Christmas puddings in July. No joke!) I just think everything has its place and its time and the bombardment of jolly images, music and festive cheer should be held off til November. Late November. I mean its not like we can hide from it and quite frankly, you would've had to have been in a coma for at least 300 days of the year to not know what's coming up. Do we really need to be made to feel guilty for not feeling the festive spirit in October? Its like they're reminding you that procrastination is bad, that its almost criminal to have not bought your kids or wives or husbands or (insert marital status here, Facebook's answer of its complicated will not be accepted) present earlier that November.
Hell not to be sexiest here but most men I know don't even start to think about it til December 21st and really start worrying on Christmas Eve. I remember calling up an ex on Christmas Eve one year (he wasn't my ex at the time of course) and asking him what time he was coming over. "Ill be over soon I'm just in Ikea" was his reply. "Oh, what you buying?" I asked. "I'm looking for your Christmas present".
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Needless to say, after unwrapping a cushion on Christmas day, yes a cushion! it didn't last much longer. Ok, he is maybe an extreme example of some men's ineptitude for gift buying. It was even more insulting as I pride myself on being a very easy person to buy for but even I wasn't gonna excuse soft furnishings as a Christmas gift.
So unfortunately now its the end of August I am expecting more and more of the " its ____ days til Christmas you know?" At this moment in time I'm not sure whether a look of annoyance bordering on disdain or a swift punch in the face is the way to handle it. Ill get back to you on that one.
Oh and by the way it 124 days til Christmas. The old lady on the bus this morning told me.
Monday 20 August 2012
Hit and Run
A brother and sister from Leeds are fighting for their lives after being mowed down by a hit-and-run driver as they walked home from a shop to buy onions for the family meal.
It has been asked "What kind of person leaves two children lying there just bleeding in the road?" I think we should ask the question "What kind of parent allows their 10 year old and 2 year old to go to the shop alone?"
Am I the only one whos getting this?? Yes, a 10 year old and a two year old were allowed to make a journey that means crossing a road. Was this a busy road? Who the hell knows but it was busy enough that day!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-19310014
Accidents do happen and children are hurt on the roads every day. This driver shouldnt have left the scene, period. BUT!!!!!! Why were these two children allowed to make the journey alone? They were buying onions for a family meal, I emphasise the word FAMILY. Youre telling me that there wasnt one responsible adult in that house that couldve gone to the shop instead. Oh no wait, dont tell me, the 18 month old baby was cooking the meal and far two busy juggling knives in the kitchen to make the journey himself.
Jesus wept!
I have myself been witness to such an accident many years ago. The thing I remember the most was the sound and the utter fear I felt until I saw that child get up from the road herself. She was lucky but she still took one hell of a hit and I was shaking for hours.
Dont get me wrong I wouldnt wish this on any child or parent for that matter and Im not saying that they deserved such an awful thing to happen to them but in my mind the parents are responsible for the accident almost as much as the driver.
It has been asked "What kind of person leaves two children lying there just bleeding in the road?" I think we should ask the question "What kind of parent allows their 10 year old and 2 year old to go to the shop alone?"
Am I the only one whos getting this?? Yes, a 10 year old and a two year old were allowed to make a journey that means crossing a road. Was this a busy road? Who the hell knows but it was busy enough that day!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-19310014
Accidents do happen and children are hurt on the roads every day. This driver shouldnt have left the scene, period. BUT!!!!!! Why were these two children allowed to make the journey alone? They were buying onions for a family meal, I emphasise the word FAMILY. Youre telling me that there wasnt one responsible adult in that house that couldve gone to the shop instead. Oh no wait, dont tell me, the 18 month old baby was cooking the meal and far two busy juggling knives in the kitchen to make the journey himself.
Jesus wept!
I have myself been witness to such an accident many years ago. The thing I remember the most was the sound and the utter fear I felt until I saw that child get up from the road herself. She was lucky but she still took one hell of a hit and I was shaking for hours.
Dont get me wrong I wouldnt wish this on any child or parent for that matter and Im not saying that they deserved such an awful thing to happen to them but in my mind the parents are responsible for the accident almost as much as the driver.
Sunday 8 July 2012
The bitch is back!
Its been a while huh?
Well to be truthful, I have been blogging somewhere else (yeah I know, Bad Cat!) but now that has come to an end, I thought Id pick up where I left off. Miss me?
Its been a...wow... has it really been two years? Holy hell.
Its been a turbulent couple of years. Lots of changes but some things havent changed. Im still angry, still ranty and still swear like a sailor on leave. So watch this space coz Im back and I still havent shut up!
Flat Pack Farce
I vowed that when I moved house this time, I would not buy any flat packed furniture. ( especially from Ikea) I have had terrible experiences before and I am one of those people, I’m not ashamed to admit, that once the bookcase or table or wardrobe is proudly erected, I always have a screw or a nut or a bolt left over and no matter how long I look I can never find where it was supposed to go.
I’ve never had anything fall over or fall apart on me (yet) but there is almost always a piece left over. I’m actually beginning to think that it is a conspiracy by the flat pack packers (say that three times fast) and they put in extra pieces in the box just to bamboozle you.
My last and hopefully final experience of a flat pack nightmare was about 10 years ago and involved the dreaded Ikea shelving which, if you’d seen them you would screamed at me “OMG woman are you completely incompetent?” Hey! I am mostly a capable woman but these things were obviously designed by some psychotic freak on acid. Seriously! They weren’t flat packed in the traditional sense of the word but they still had to be constructed. They basically consisted of tubular black supports and wooden shelves which slotted on. I swear it was like wrestling a metal octopus. I was tempted to go purchase body armour just in case I accidently impaled myself. At one point I nearly lost an eye! This somewhat simple erection still had me flummoxed and after over an hour of grappling with the pieces, I called up the boyfriend and swore down the phone at him that there were obviously some fucking pieces missing (even though I was holding the worlds large back of screws)and that I was about to throw the whole thing out of the fucking window. Needless to say when he came round that evening he had the damn things up in less than 20 minutes and I was more than a little embarrassed.
I’m gonna be completely sexist now and say that women, or at least women like me just aren’t cut out for this kinda construction. Maybe our basic natures fight against our want of being equal and our need to erect flat packed furniture. Women after all are the home makers and nurturers. Or perhaps we are just more clever than that and know that our man’s need to be hunter gatherer and construction expert is important to him and by rescuing their damsel from the evil that is flat packed furniture we build his sense of worth.
So I’m pleased to say that so far the urge to buy flat packed, even if it’s gonna save me some money has been quashed by the memory of the Ikea shelving incident of 2002.
My last and hopefully final experience of a flat pack nightmare was about 10 years ago and involved the dreaded Ikea shelving which, if you’d seen them you would screamed at me “OMG woman are you completely incompetent?” Hey! I am mostly a capable woman but these things were obviously designed by some psychotic freak on acid. Seriously! They weren’t flat packed in the traditional sense of the word but they still had to be constructed. They basically consisted of tubular black supports and wooden shelves which slotted on. I swear it was like wrestling a metal octopus. I was tempted to go purchase body armour just in case I accidently impaled myself. At one point I nearly lost an eye! This somewhat simple erection still had me flummoxed and after over an hour of grappling with the pieces, I called up the boyfriend and swore down the phone at him that there were obviously some fucking pieces missing (even though I was holding the worlds large back of screws)and that I was about to throw the whole thing out of the fucking window. Needless to say when he came round that evening he had the damn things up in less than 20 minutes and I was more than a little embarrassed.
I’m gonna be completely sexist now and say that women, or at least women like me just aren’t cut out for this kinda construction. Maybe our basic natures fight against our want of being equal and our need to erect flat packed furniture. Women after all are the home makers and nurturers. Or perhaps we are just more clever than that and know that our man’s need to be hunter gatherer and construction expert is important to him and by rescuing their damsel from the evil that is flat packed furniture we build his sense of worth.
So I’m pleased to say that so far the urge to buy flat packed, even if it’s gonna save me some money has been quashed by the memory of the Ikea shelving incident of 2002.
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