Hey, guess how many days til Christmas. Fuck off!

Why do people insist on doing that? Why do they insist on telling you how many days til Christmas? Quite frankly I don't wanna know. I didn't wanna know in June and I certainly didn't wanna know in March. I mean seriously, who starts their Christmas countdown in March?? You cant countdown to something that only finished three fucking months ago!

I do like Christmas or at least I did til last year (for personal reasons I will not go into) I am very much the over achiever when it comes to the festive season. Everything has to be bigger and better than the year before. Ha, and I bet you thought I was gonna be some kinda Grinch right? Nope I'm a Christmas fanatic. But not before its time to be.

I am not one of these people who has bought all their Christmas gifts by September. I mean yeah, I like to be  organised as much as the next person but it merely cheapness on my part. I mean hell, a lot could happen in the next 3 months. Say you buy a nose hair trimmer on September 15th for Uncle Al and then he dies on December 4th... a waste right and you can guarantee that the store wont except it as a return and you can hardly give it to the milkman can you? Or what if there is a zombie apocalypse on November 22nd? I really don't wanna go into one with a house full of bath salts and Christmas novelty socks.

So as long as all my gift shopping is done by December 20th then I wont spend the next 5 days waking up in a cold sweat that Ive forgotten to buy my Grandmother's denture adhesive (hey don't scoff! Shes a practical woman and likes practical gifts and she goes through that stuff like there's no tomorrow!)

Unfortunately Christmas has become big business over the last 20 years. Maybe its just me showing my age but it feels like they're getting the store Christmas decorations out earlier and earlier. As soon as the Halloween stuff has been taken down BAM! up go the twinkle lights and baubles and the gaudy Christmas music starts blasting thro the store speakers. (Although one year I did see a supermarket selling Christmas puddings in July. No joke!) I just think everything has its place and its time and the bombardment of jolly images, music and festive cheer should be held off til November. Late November. I mean its not like we can hide from it and quite frankly, you would've had to have been in a coma for at least 300 days of the year to not know what's coming up. Do we really need to be made to feel guilty for not feeling the festive spirit in October? Its like they're reminding you that procrastination is bad, that its almost criminal to have not bought your kids or wives or husbands or (insert marital status here, Facebook's answer of its complicated will not be accepted) present earlier that November.

Hell not to be sexiest here but most men I know don't even start to think about it til December 21st and really start worrying on Christmas Eve. I remember calling up an ex on Christmas Eve one year (he wasn't my ex at the time of course) and asking him what time he was coming over. "Ill be over soon I'm just in Ikea" was his reply. "Oh, what you buying?" I asked. "I'm looking for your Christmas present".

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Needless to say, after unwrapping a cushion on Christmas day, yes a cushion! it didn't last much longer. Ok, he is maybe an extreme example of some men's ineptitude for gift buying. It was even more insulting as I pride myself on being a very easy person to buy for but even I wasn't gonna excuse soft furnishings as a Christmas gift.

So unfortunately now its the end of August I am expecting more and more of the " its ____ days til Christmas you know?" At this moment in time I'm not sure whether a look of annoyance bordering on disdain or a swift punch in the face is the way to handle it. Ill get back to you on that one.

Oh and by the way it 124 days til Christmas. The old lady on the bus this morning told me.

Hit and Run

A brother and sister from Leeds are fighting for their lives after being mowed down by a hit-and-run driver as they walked home from a shop to buy onions for the family meal.

It has been asked "What kind of person leaves two children lying there just bleeding in the road?" I think we should ask the question "What kind of parent allows their 10 year old and 2 year old to go to the shop alone?"

 Am I the only one whos getting this?? Yes, a 10 year old and a two year old were allowed to make a journey that means crossing a road. Was this a busy road? Who the hell knows but it was busy enough that day!

 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-19310014

 Accidents do happen and children are hurt on the roads every day. This driver shouldnt have left the scene, period. BUT!!!!!! Why were these two children allowed to make the journey alone? They were buying onions for a family meal, I emphasise the word FAMILY. Youre telling me that there wasnt one responsible adult in that house that couldve gone to the shop instead. Oh no wait, dont tell me, the 18 month old baby was cooking the meal and far two busy juggling knives in the kitchen to make the journey himself.

 Jesus wept!

 I have myself been witness to such an accident many years ago. The thing I remember the most was the sound and the utter fear I felt until I saw that child get up from the road herself. She was lucky but she still took one hell of a hit and I was shaking for hours.

 Dont get me wrong I wouldnt wish this on any child or parent for that matter and Im not saying that they deserved such an awful thing to happen to them but in my mind the parents are responsible for the accident almost as much as the driver.