You jump, I jump Jack!

Yes, a quote from one of the biggest movies of all time... Titanic. SPOILER ALERT!!!!

It sinks.

Jack and Rose's story, if you think about it was the epitome of most relationships. There was the flirtatious first meeting, passion, romance, realising that the other person is truly the missing half of your soul, drama, a jealous ex and the whole thing goes to shit because one of you wont share a floating piece of wood which ultimately leaves the other one to freeze to death in ice cold water.

You know Mythbusters did the experiment in San Francisco bay with an exact replica of that board. Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage managed to bust the myth (kinda) by proving they could both get on the board (after a lot of faffing around) and stay afloat. Ha! Take that Rose you selfish bitch.

Relationships... aren't they supposed to get easier? Honestly, I really cannot be bothered and have loathed immensely the game of dating. Dates to me feel more like job interviews with lousier prospects and the only Christmas bonus on offer is a quick grope in the stationery cupboard. See I had the crazy notion that relationships would get easier as I got older. I'm obviously one sandwich short of a picnic because they really don't. The older you get, the more baggage people seem to have (whether that physical or mental) and there is usually a veritable minefield of problems that ensue. I do not exclude myself either, I'm by no means perfect. Hell I have carry on and excess but I have now learned at the ripe ole age of 36 to leave the whole kit and caboodle in lost luggage.

Maybe this is why we see so many dating shows on television. Reality TV, as my more avid readers will know, is not my thing. There is nothing more mind numbing and infuriating than this genre and the shows that fall in this category. The utter crap these morons spew whilst getting their five minutes of fame. Not to mention their lack of social decency and moral standards. Their fake personalities and "shrink speak" leaves me wanting to stab myself with a spoon. And by shrink speak I mean "I feel that..." and "your words hurt..." whilst quoting verbatim from their copy of Psychology for Dummies".

Sadly the dating shows we have now are all of the above and more. Also the women on those shows act like, well, complete whores to attract the attention of the man they're trying to steal away from the other 25 whores stood in the studio with them. Yes I know that is the nature of the show but puhleeeez! Its embarrassing. And I will clarify because I have said before... the state of "whore" as I see it is not by the amount of people you've slept with. That is between you and your mattress. Whore is the way you conduct yourself. The way you act and unfortunately I have to say sometimes the way you dress. There is a time and place for the public display of breasts and it isn't 9-5 in the office. Although I realise by saying that there will be a great many men wanting to apply for a job where I work.

Wow don't I sound like a old fashioned stick in the mud? Honestly, I'm not.  I am a very proud lady in public and a slut in the bedroom and not afraid to admit it (unless I'm in the company of my good friends who know me well enough not to pay any heed when the subject of sex inevitably creeps into the conversation after a few drinks or late night chat)

Anyways... back to the dating shows... If they are the "lucky" chosen one and end up on a date with this obvious Prince Charming (he cant be that much of a catch if he's on a dating show, can he?), there's more sexual innuendo than a Carry On movie and you're left wondering if they even come good. Half of these guys could sue them for false advertising especially once you see them without the make up on that was so expertly applied with a trowel for the show.

In closing, you could go by the old cliché that "its only as complicated as you make it" and yes, I try and live my life by that but I'm finding more and more that it simply comes down to "I'm too old for this shit"

Ooops, I did it again!

Ok, I know. I suck. I'm despicable.

I said I would be here more and I have let you down once more. I apologise profusely and I will accept my punishment (FYI, I like paddles. Just sayin!)

So once again it has been a wickedly busy time. I finally had my surgery and I am now minus an organ. A useless organ but alas, I now feel a void within me that can only be filled by pizza and Chinese food. Or in other words, they finally took out my gallbladder and I feel fantastic. I can eat whatever I want again. The only downside is that I've gained 10lbs.

I also went back to America. TWICE! I went over for 7 days in March then another 10 in August. Obsessed much? Erm YUP! My trips there are always epically amazing. I shall return as soon as my finances allow.

Add to that a busy work schedule, I really haven't had much time to come here and rant and believe me when I say I have had more than a few occasions over the last few months where I've needed a good old venting session.

I have missed you and I promise... PROMISE... I will be back regularly.

I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.

Punishment fits the crime me thinks...

I must blog more.
I must blog more.
I must blog more.

See you soon.