Why do today what you can do tomorrow?

I have many faults. Many, many, MANY faults. Who doesn't right? I think the one that annoys me the most about myself is my ability to procrastinate. Oh boy! If it was an Olympic sport, I would get gold every time. Hell, Id even have my own line in sports wear and be endorsing Pepsi. (ew, maybe not)

My avid readers will know that I wrote a book. Yup, lil ole me put pen to paper or rather fingers to keyboard and finally completed my manuscript... 8 YEARS AGO... since then it has been sat on a hard drive. Hey, its no War and Peace but reading through it just recently, I still got a good feeling about it. See up until a few months ago, I had a legitimate reason (or at least I thought it was legitimate) for it just staying where it was, never to be seen by the general public. As I have said before, I have a crippling fear of rejection and I'm convinced that it is a master piece and will not be told different.

Whilst I was working away I was asked by my boss if I would like to write a small article for a small publication. My boss of course didnt know that I write, hell, I wouldnt dare let anyone I work with see the verbal diarrhoea that vomit here for fear of being sacked! I actually question sometimes whether the word is prepared for my insane ramblings... but anyways, it was to be in a blog format, (ding ding ding) a entertaining and humorous story about working away (yup, I can be entertaining and funny) and they needed it by 4.30pm the next day. Nice deadline huh? Good job I work well under pressure!

So that night I set to it, writing the piece about when I was trapped in the lift a couple of weeks previous. (Real story. In the top 10 list of the worst 30 minutes of my life. It actually ranks somewhere in the middle between a blind date I went on and THE worst sex Ive ever had. I will also add that both situations were not on the same day) However, as talented and amazing as I am, I wasnt able to finish it that night so set off uber early the next day and spent 2 hours before work in a Nero coffee shop in the middle of Manchester writing the rest of it and proof reading it until I practically knew it off by heart. Of course being as talented and amazing as I am, (hey, I am. Shut it!) I emailed it over to my boss at 10am that day. I didnt hear anything til the Monday after when curiosity got the better of me and I gave boss a call. I was dying to know what he thought, even if it was going to be practical for the publication. Bear in mind this was the first time Id written a blog piece without saying the word fuck or whore or bastard or any other of the multitude of colourful language that is in my vocabulary and often makes it into my blogs here.

All I can say is, after that phone call I have never smiled so much in my life. I felt like I was 10 years old again and just unwrapped my Barbie dream house on Christmas day.

Not only had my boss read it but the BIG boss had read it also and some of the other managers and they loved it! The question was then asked, "Do you write professionally? Because that article is fantastic" (Let me just say, at that point I was grinning like Id now just unwrapped anatomically correct Ken too. Not the one with the plastic underpants, the one with the asexual plastic bulge) The rest of the day I was beaming which of course attracted some questions and funny looks from my co workers who each took turns reading what Id written and there was no sight more satisfying than watching their faces and hearing their chuckles as they read through it.

Now because I'd name two of my co workers in the article who happened to be present at my incarceration in the lift, (they weren't in there with me, they were outside it) I wanted their permission to be mentioned. I of course didn't know at that point who would be reading it or where it would be published so thought it was just polite to make sure they were ok with it. It was then I saw the human resources manager, who was one of the named and agreed to email him a copy of it so he could see exactly how and when he was mentioned. Well, the next thing I know, he's walking up to me in the office with an expression on his face that I just couldnt fathom. Was he happy? Was he annoyed? My immediate thought was "Fuck! What did I do?"

The first question out of his mouth was "Do you write professionally? Because if you dont then you should do!" He then revealed that he was currently in the process of having his own book published. OMG not only did I get Barbie's dream house and the anatomically correct Ken but I got the pink convertible with the private licence plate too!!!!! Was this like the best day ever?? So when I told him about my book he immediately wanted to read it and urged me to start the ball rolling with the publishing thing.

That was January... what have I done with my book? Erm, ziltch. Its still sat on my computer, although as I said, I have read through it and spell checked it again but yup, its still there... unread... UGH. I disgust myself. Captain Procrastination strikes again. What the hell am I waiting for? Whats stopping me? Shouldnt that day have been proof enough to me that people might just like what Ive written or will I forever let my fear keep me from possible greatness?

I love writing, it is my one true passion. I love that people get pleasure from reading my bizarre and random prattle. I dont for one minute believe that my work can inspire a generation. I highly doubt that I will be the next Sue Townsend (although she has had a huge influence on me, may she rest in peace) or be as brilliant as J.K Rowling. I am by no means a master of the English language and when I frequently have brain farts so huge that they could be detected by a richtor scale, I rely heavily on Thesaurus.com But what a dream it is to be able do this every day, to be able to live off my words and so I ask again...

What am I waiting for?