Sticks and stones...

Kids can be cruel. We all know this. Hell I'm sure everyone has a story from their childhood of naming calling or a physical altercation with another kid. I know I do. For a brief period in my childhood I was bullied.

More, now than ever we see the stories on the news of children who have chosen suicide as their only option to end their suffering and every time their stories break my heart. I read one today about Cora Delille, 15 year old girl from Ohio that did the very same thing. She believed that her only way out was to end her own life.

There were other factors also, this isn't just a bullying issue. The story reads that she broke up with her boyfriend and her parents were getting a divorce so you have to of course take these into account but what the hell is happening to our children? What turns my stomach the most that even after this poor girl had died, they still continued their attacks on her. Posting comments about her in various internet forums. If a guy can make a joke about an airport being blown up on Twitter and face criminal charges then why aren't these little bastards being dragged to a police station. Even if nothing comes of it, a short sharp shock might do them good and make them think before they post a nasty comment on someone else's Facebook wall or send someone else a disgusting text. They should not be allowed to think that this is acceptable behaviour. What the hell happened to personal responsibility? They should bring back the fucking cane for shit like this.

I see time and time again on Twitter and Facebook, young adults bleating about hard life is and crying about trivial dramas. Most of the time I just want to scream at them "Welcome to the real world cupcake! Fun isn't it? Now a grow a fucking backbone and a thicker skin and stop fucking complaining" Its all too easy to see them as spoilt, whiny little bitches. Its difficult to remember that they live in a very different word to the one we grew up in 20+ years ago. They are constantly bombarded with images and information from a young ages. Most children now can work a computer before they learn how to make a sandwich. Ive lost track of the amount of under 5's Ive met who already have iphones.

Its easy to to sound like old Uncle Bill at a family reunion and say "back in my day..." but I find myself doing it. Back in my day we could switch off. When we went outside to play with our friends. We didn't permanently have a cell phone glued to our hands, we just played. Our brains got that down time from TV and learning at school and we used them more creatively. We used our imaginations, we had sword fights with sticks, we built forts and tree houses... Hey, I'm not saying that kids didn't kill themselves back then... I know for a fact they did but I would challenge anyone who disagrees that there isn't a link between the amount of information we now take in daily and the state of our mental health. 

Last year a study was done into how Facebook causes depression (no this is not me doing my usual FB bashing) I'm not normally one to listen to the various studies that are released what seems like every frickin week. One minute they're telling you to eat chocolate, then they're saying that chocolate causes cancer, then they're saying drink more wine, then they're telling you that you'll grow gills if you drink too much... bleh... come on! Why don't we just stop breathing? What will that do? Were all gonna die eventually anyways so I will eat as much chocolate as I like and drink as much wine as I like and then at least Ill be able to swim to America twice a year and it'll save me fucking fortune on flights!!!

But back to the study... They claimed it also caused  the “fear of missing out.” Made people feel inadequate when their friends posted pictures of vacations or had been on a shopping spree or even pictures of their children or as they put it "adorable children." So if you wanna make your friends jealous you cant do it if your kids are ugly? Makes sense I guess. Sorry but I am not one of these people who thinks all children are beautiful but I'm not bitch enough to recoil in terror when I meet you first born for the first time and he/she has a face like Sloth from The Goonies.

Maybe that's it, maybe that is all we need to instill in our children... the age old saying "If you cant say anything nice then don't say anything at all" because it seems that "stick and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" has failed. 


Read the full story about Cora Delille here -

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/ohio-teen-penned-suicide-note-reading-thanks-pain-article-1.1799847

Why do today what you can do tomorrow?

I have many faults. Many, many, MANY faults. Who doesn't right? I think the one that annoys me the most about myself is my ability to procrastinate. Oh boy! If it was an Olympic sport, I would get gold every time. Hell, Id even have my own line in sports wear and be endorsing Pepsi. (ew, maybe not)

My avid readers will know that I wrote a book. Yup, lil ole me put pen to paper or rather fingers to keyboard and finally completed my manuscript... 8 YEARS AGO... since then it has been sat on a hard drive. Hey, its no War and Peace but reading through it just recently, I still got a good feeling about it. See up until a few months ago, I had a legitimate reason (or at least I thought it was legitimate) for it just staying where it was, never to be seen by the general public. As I have said before, I have a crippling fear of rejection and I'm convinced that it is a master piece and will not be told different.

Whilst I was working away I was asked by my boss if I would like to write a small article for a small publication. My boss of course didnt know that I write, hell, I wouldnt dare let anyone I work with see the verbal diarrhoea that vomit here for fear of being sacked! I actually question sometimes whether the word is prepared for my insane ramblings... but anyways, it was to be in a blog format, (ding ding ding) a entertaining and humorous story about working away (yup, I can be entertaining and funny) and they needed it by 4.30pm the next day. Nice deadline huh? Good job I work well under pressure!

So that night I set to it, writing the piece about when I was trapped in the lift a couple of weeks previous. (Real story. In the top 10 list of the worst 30 minutes of my life. It actually ranks somewhere in the middle between a blind date I went on and THE worst sex Ive ever had. I will also add that both situations were not on the same day) However, as talented and amazing as I am, I wasnt able to finish it that night so set off uber early the next day and spent 2 hours before work in a Nero coffee shop in the middle of Manchester writing the rest of it and proof reading it until I practically knew it off by heart. Of course being as talented and amazing as I am, (hey, I am. Shut it!) I emailed it over to my boss at 10am that day. I didnt hear anything til the Monday after when curiosity got the better of me and I gave boss a call. I was dying to know what he thought, even if it was going to be practical for the publication. Bear in mind this was the first time Id written a blog piece without saying the word fuck or whore or bastard or any other of the multitude of colourful language that is in my vocabulary and often makes it into my blogs here.

All I can say is, after that phone call I have never smiled so much in my life. I felt like I was 10 years old again and just unwrapped my Barbie dream house on Christmas day.

Not only had my boss read it but the BIG boss had read it also and some of the other managers and they loved it! The question was then asked, "Do you write professionally? Because that article is fantastic" (Let me just say, at that point I was grinning like Id now just unwrapped anatomically correct Ken too. Not the one with the plastic underpants, the one with the asexual plastic bulge) The rest of the day I was beaming which of course attracted some questions and funny looks from my co workers who each took turns reading what Id written and there was no sight more satisfying than watching their faces and hearing their chuckles as they read through it.

Now because I'd name two of my co workers in the article who happened to be present at my incarceration in the lift, (they weren't in there with me, they were outside it) I wanted their permission to be mentioned. I of course didn't know at that point who would be reading it or where it would be published so thought it was just polite to make sure they were ok with it. It was then I saw the human resources manager, who was one of the named and agreed to email him a copy of it so he could see exactly how and when he was mentioned. Well, the next thing I know, he's walking up to me in the office with an expression on his face that I just couldnt fathom. Was he happy? Was he annoyed? My immediate thought was "Fuck! What did I do?"

The first question out of his mouth was "Do you write professionally? Because if you dont then you should do!" He then revealed that he was currently in the process of having his own book published. OMG not only did I get Barbie's dream house and the anatomically correct Ken but I got the pink convertible with the private licence plate too!!!!! Was this like the best day ever?? So when I told him about my book he immediately wanted to read it and urged me to start the ball rolling with the publishing thing.

That was January... what have I done with my book? Erm, ziltch. Its still sat on my computer, although as I said, I have read through it and spell checked it again but yup, its still there... unread... UGH. I disgust myself. Captain Procrastination strikes again. What the hell am I waiting for? Whats stopping me? Shouldnt that day have been proof enough to me that people might just like what Ive written or will I forever let my fear keep me from possible greatness?

I love writing, it is my one true passion. I love that people get pleasure from reading my bizarre and random prattle. I dont for one minute believe that my work can inspire a generation. I highly doubt that I will be the next Sue Townsend (although she has had a huge influence on me, may she rest in peace) or be as brilliant as J.K Rowling. I am by no means a master of the English language and when I frequently have brain farts so huge that they could be detected by a richtor scale, I rely heavily on Thesaurus.com But what a dream it is to be able do this every day, to be able to live off my words and so I ask again...

What am I waiting for?

"What a difference a year makes. 8765.81 little hours..."

Ok so its not a year since I last blogged but almost.

First, please let me beg your forgiveness. I know I do have some followers who read my blog religiously but most of them are friends who I have on Facebook who know Im still alive from the crap I spew with daily status updates. I wish I had a good excuse for my absence, I really do but sadly I have none.

My only defence is that is has been an extraordinarily busy year. Health problems have been plaguing me and hopefully will be sorted in the coming weeks but travel occupied most of it. From working away to hopping that great big pond again... its been frantic quite honestly and the outlook is the same for the rest of this year as I plan to hop that pond again in three months time. I promise to try to blog more.

Im not sure why youre still reading this crap anyway but you are.

The problem that I have of course is saying too much. I am fiercely private when it comes to my life and whilst I try to amuse and inform my readers, I dont like to give too much away. I am still as paranoid as ever when it comes to internet security ( Facebook itself goes against every fibre of this but that is how I keep up with my close friends and their worlds so it is a necessary evil) and as Ive said before, when you post on the internet, youre not just telling your friends, youre telling the whole world.

Anyway, its good to see you again, let the ranting begin!!!

English (wo)man in New York

So the angry Brit visited the angry state a few weeks ago. Yup, I finally did it. I visited THE place I've been wanting to go ever since childhood. Growing up on a diet of American sitcoms and cartoons Id been like a dog with a bone for years telling myself that next year would be the year I would finally cross that big pond.

It was actually a spur of the moment decision. Faced with yet another year of longing and having pretty much  zilch to look forward to in 2013, I banged the whole thing on the credit card and thought fuck it!

Over the years with my various internet antics I have met a large group of people who have been a huge part of my life over the last 8 years especially so figured this was a good time to go and possibly get murdered down a dark alley in the middle of Manhattan. I have to say that I'm very disappointed that not one of them were freaks!

Let me say firstly that a week isn't long enough to see and do everything. As a honorary American, I'm not a typical ignorant Brit that assumes that all Americans live in a 10 mile radius and everyone knows each other but I just couldn't get over the size of the place. In my travels over the week I visited the city to do the typical touristy stuff, I stayed on Long Island (aptly named) was in New Jersey at one point, Brooklyn for a very short space of time, Queens which I loved (I know I will get the piss ripped out of me for that one) The Bronx (big shout out to D!) and a few other places I just kinda drove through.

Oh yeah, did you know they drive on the wrong side of the road??? I kept getting in the wrong side of the bloody car which amused my yank friends no end. After 35 years of getting in on the opposite side of the car this became frustrating but funny non the less.

The city, was amazing. I didn't see everything that I wanted to and some places I loved so much I went to several times. I had been warned that it was smelly and dirty and the people were rude but my experience was far from that. The only thing that was smelly and dirty was the bathrooms in Macys. Really Macys I expected more from you!!! Grotty just isn't the word. And what is the deal with the bathroom stalls across the pond??? The doors have gaps. I felt like I was on show every time I needed to go pee.

I loved it though. Rockefeller Center was everything Id hoped and more. Ok, I didn't get to experience my childhood dream of skating under the huge tree but now good ole NY just doesn't seem that far away so I know I will get to do it eventually. The Empire State Building was fantastic and thank you to my very knowledgeable tour guides (much love to M and F) I learnt a lot about the city that I've probably already forgotten.

Ok so the flying is a bit of a ball ache and I think next time I might just do a direct flight (I flew to Ireland then to JFK) but that huge pond now feels like a puddle although I may need to sell a few of my organs to fund the next trip. Its relatively cheap to eat and do stuff but I bought a lot of souvenirs.

I could continue. I could list everything I did but I wont bore you any further. I know this blog is a complete departure from my usual blogs but I wanted to note it.

But before I go and normal programming resumes...

The best thing though were the people. Without the friends I visited it would've just been a trip to the states. With them it was an experience of a lifetime that I will repeat soon.

Watch out New York, the Redcoats are coming again!

Unexpected item in the bagging area!!!

There has been a lot of coverage lately in the news about horse meat found in burgers and other beef products being sold in the UK. People are horrified. Products are being removed from sale and there is just generally a big scandal.

From the news I've read (which includes many sources) I'm beginning to think that someone in those companies knew exactly what they were sending out to the supermarket shelves. I mean come on, some companies will stop at nothing to turn a huge profit. This has been a universal truth since the dawn of time. They do their own fucking tests as well as the FSA (Food Standards Agency) and this wasn't picked up? Just how long has it been going on? Well if you believe some papers, probably years!

But here's a question - Am I the only one that really doest give a fuck about this?

I am more bothered about the shit they put in our food that we don't know about. If they can get away with sticking horse meat into our burgers and frozen lasagnes then what the hell else is in there?

I think the question that isn't being asked and really should be is, where are these horses coming from? Are they cared for properly? Are they slaughtered properly? Are they old horses that have come to the end of their blissful life of trotting round a lush field for the last 10 years or are they animals that were purely reared for their meat?

I mean come on people, you're cramming Burger King and frozen lasagnes down your throat for fuck sake, neither of them have any natural nutritional value, it all has to be added artificially and you're crying coz there's horse meat in them? Well it must've tasted fine or you wouldn't have fucking eaten it!

Horse meat isn't a a bad meat or an illegal meat. The French eat it (ok, maybe not the best example coz the French people I know personally will eat anything!) but it is a recognised food substance. I mean come on, really, are you just getting pissy coz horses are cute and you ride them at fairs and watched too much black beauty as a kid?

The same shit happened with rabbit. Rabbit was a very huge part of the staple diet here in England at one time and I'm sure that was true of the rest of the world. Rabbit is a great meat, its low fat and it pretty much takes care of itself as an animal. They're wild and they breed like, well, rabbits! There is always tons of the little fuckers about. But suddenly they become pets and appear on Easter cards and now no one will eat them. Personally I blame Bugs Bunny. (I would've had no problem eating him, annoying little shit)

For me all this argument should be about is the safety of the meat used and the welfare of the animal. Period. Besides, come the zombie apocalypse, we will all be eating rat burgers eventually anyways.

Its The End Of The World As We Know It... and I feel fine!

Everyone is talking about it... cant get away from it and if the Mayans were here right now, they would be laughing their sick fucking asses off.

End of the world on December 21st 2012? Yeah, whatever!

The way I see it, I cant lose! By writing this blog and and saying, "fuck you Mayans, it ain't happening" I will look like a fucking genius when Friday is here and gone and everything is the way it should be. And Hell, if somehow the world suddenly ceases to be and everyone dies a fiery hellish death then this blog ceases to be too and so there's no way in hell  anyone can point the finger and rant in my face "ha ha you were wrong!"

See? Win, win!

Don't get me wrong, I can see the other side. I can see why all these*coughs*  freaks *coughs* excuse me... extremely prepared people have built bunkers and stockpiled food, water and ammo. Shit, you don't have to be facing and impending apocalypse to be prepared for every eventuality. That stuff (well except the ammo) will come in handy whether there's a hurricane warning or even a simple power cut.

The Mormons are very big on this kinda thing (yep, I used to be a Mormon) We had seminars when I was with the church on the best way to stock pile food and various other essential items, how to store them, how to rotate them and how much you should have stored at any one time in case of natural disasters or like I said, just losing power. I actually made a joke once at one of these seminars. I leaned into the woman next to me and said "well I feel secure in the knowledge that should a comet come hurtling towards the earth that I will die with 365 tins of beans under my bed". She wasn't amused.

So yeah, I ain't buying it I'm afraid. Some ancient civilisation has predicted the end is nigh. We here's a news flash, so have lots of other people since the Mayans died out and they were wrong too. And anyway, if they were some kind of precognitive geniuses, surely they would of been able to stop their own demise, right?

See, its like anything else that has been passed down through generations, mentioning no names *coughs* the biblical text *coughs* It has been translated into another language and open to interpretation so there is definitely massive room for error. Hell, most people cant order a drink in another language without ending up with a plate of fish so can we really trust what has been interpreted up to now? Of course we cant. I'm sorry, I don't care how many years you have studied this ancient and DEAD language (the original language is dead  at least, I believe there are some descendant and hybrids of the language that still exist). Unless it is your native tongue then frankly you can kiss my arse.

One thing we can learn from the Mayans however, now don't quote me on this but I believe that they died out due to lack of food in their over sized population and climate change also had a huge influence to the point where human life could no longer be sustained. Hmmn sound familiar? Perhaps we should concentrate and learn more from what they did rather than what they said!

On a side note, I better go see my doctor and get that cough checked, wouldn't wanna be stuck in bed all week and miss the end of the world!

Why are you famous again? Oh yeah! Coz youre a FUCKING WHORE!

and when I say whore, I'm aiming that at guys too.

Jersey Shore, The Only Way Is Essex, The Valleys, Geordie Shore, Desperate Scousewives.

All of the above have at least one thing in common... they all glorify bad behaviour.

Some are more dreadful than others but for the most part I think every one of them should be banned from our televisions. You may have heard me argue before about "well if it offends you then don't watch it" I'm sorry but these shows are the exception to the rule. Teenagers, young adults and twenty somethings (to name a few) are watching these shows and  trying to emulate the lifestyles, the clothing and the very low moral standards.

Why the hell are we allowing this utter shite on our televisions?

You wanna drink your weight in vodka til your practically comatose and then fuck three different people in one night then go for it. You make your own choices. However, I don't think it should be shown on TV and I certainly don't think you should be famous for it.

Why is this suddenly acceptable??

Shows like this used to be shown in documentary form, late at night, on obscure channels that very few people watched and were portrayed  as lacking in morals and the dregs of our society. Now they're practically on pedestals being worshipped like gods. Most of them can barely string a damn sentence together and people are idolising these losers?

And before you say anything... I'm 34, I'm hardly over the hill and it wasn't that long ago that I was out clubbing with my friends.

Why is being a lady or being a gentleman so outdated now? Why don't these people want more from their lives than being known as the dirty little slapper who shagged four blokes in one night or the guy who had a threesome and gave both girls a sexually transmitted disease?

Is losing all self respect the price of fame? Is it a price worth paying?

Reality TV as a genre is just atrocious but the shows I have name are really the crud at the bottom of the septic tank. Just ban them and save future generations from exposure to this crap.